Well, how I am feeling right now isnt the best feeling one could ever have. I feel rather lonely and depressed. And i realised that how i go about dealing with it in the past was either through meeting a friend to keep my mind off things or submit to alcohol which helps very much in supressing the feelings.

I am so miserable i nearly booked tickets to go KL and spend a few days in the quiet kampong to ease my mind. But i stayed because i didnt want my gf to feel how i am feeling, lonely. So i stayed.

There are times i would just sit all by myself, with a can of beer in my hand and a cig on the other. Sometimes it helps.. but not always.

I tend to look out the window every now and then just looking at the sky or even the people down below who go about their normal life and wondering what's really on their minds.

I dont speak as much as i used to, and i have my reasons. I used to be rather talkative, even with strangers but i reaslised how vulnerable you get when you share things with people. They use it against you. They judge, they critic. And they're called people. Sometimes, family.

What is life really?

Have you ever thought about the time when you'll die? Would all the things you ever did in life mattered? And if you believe in heaven and hell, how long would you stay there? Forever sounds very long. The word 'forever' is an understatement really.

Have you ever thought how the world would have been if you were not born? Then you'd think to yourself that such a thought would only exist because you're alive. So many questions in life.. questions that only matters when your life is coming to an end. Questions i think of when i get sober from yesterday's intoxication.

I need to get away from it all. Movie marathons and late night jogs dont cut it anymore. So does alcohol. I need something else. I need it fast...